tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29472092285018895132024-03-05T03:42:48.811-08:00The Accumulation of ThoughtSo I'm Annabelle, and I run this human condition themed blog.
Who the heck even knows what I'm going to post? I guess we'll find out.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04365277366583866397noreply@blogger.comBlogger43125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2947209228501889513.post-69443229330399818032015-04-13T21:15:00.001-07:002015-04-13T21:15:17.120-07:00I am a concept, and you can be too!if only i would get stuff done in my life amiright<br />
<br />
fanfiction is shit and so am i so let's go<br />
fight me<br />
<br />
fight me bro fight me<br />
<br />
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01101110 01100110 01101001 01110010 01101101 01100101 01100100 01101000 01100001 01101100 01100110 00100000 01101100 01101001 01100110 01100101 00100000 01110100 01101000 01110010 01100101 01100101 00100000 01100011 01101111 01101110 01100110 01101001 01110010 01101101 01100101 01100100 01101000 01100001 01101100 01100110 00100000 01101100 01101001 01100110 01100101 00100000 01110100 01101000 01110010 01100101 01100101 00100000 01100011 01101111 01101110 01100110 01101001 01110010 01101101 01100101 01100100Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04365277366583866397noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2947209228501889513.post-39638781009076822942015-04-13T11:27:00.000-07:002015-04-13T11:27:11.654-07:00Concept AstheticWhat is scarier to authority than concept? Pretty much nothing. Our lives are a series of goals we create for ourselves, but what if we were to take these goals and instead seek to acheive concept? What if we set out our lives to create not the acheivement but the situations for acheivement. We are to create for ourselves not a reward but an aesthetic.<br />
<br />
So this is what I seek to do in mind, body, and soul:acheive asthetic.<br />
<br />
But what asthetic in particular?<br />
<br />
Well, if I may, let me just list a couple of asthetics that have really been speaking to me recently....<br />
<br />
1) The bubble boy who died because he wanted to experience life outside his bubble.<br />
2) Keeping dying roses around because you like how they look<br />
3) Blinking yellow streetlights when the day is too dark and too late<br />
4) Drinking cheep wine out of a coffee mug<br />
5) Living life out of a clean laundry basket instead of putting clothes away<br />
6) A sense of achivement fulfilled from video games<br />
7) When the fluorescent lighting of the classroom makes the black ink on your handout look green<br />
8) An existential fear of commitment<br />
9) When you lie on your side in bed and your eye tears up for no reason and smears your mascara<br />
10) Shitty glitter cosmetics<br />
11) That feeling you get after waking up from an unrestful sleep and youre all sore<br />
12) Turning off auto correct<br />
13) The one bunny that always eats the grass in your yard but you love him so<br />
14) The smell of play-dough<br />
15) excel spreadsheets<br />
16) subtweeting people you really love<br />
17) being in love but not wanting to be because the timing's wrong<br />
18) a bubble bath that smells like soap and roses<br />
19) soap and roses<br />
20) champagne but not drinking it for any reason, just because<br />
21) crying but not because you're sad- because you're relieved<br />
22) the sound of popping bubbles<br />
23) spending time with a puppy dog but feeling sad because its not your dog<br />
24) wearing clothes you hated at first but now you love them<br />
25) the idea that everyone you know and everyone you love, what you know of them exists soley in the confines of your mind<br />
26) studying hard for a test but failing it<br />
27) opening all the windows in your car on the interstate<br />
28) a foggy evening and an even foggier morning<br />
29) sunsets full of clouds and you can't see the sun or any of the colors of the usual sunset<br />
30) sleeping in a bed comfier than your ownAnonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04365277366583866397noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2947209228501889513.post-28232707519594043522015-04-06T20:02:00.001-07:002015-04-06T20:02:55.447-07:00Healthy ObsessionA little perspective, a little hindsight, and a lot of regret never hurt anyone.<br />
<br />
Especially not me when I realize my previous ranting post about <a href="http://not-flowers.blogspot.com/2015/01/lets-talk-about-hospice-by-antlers-if.html">Hospice by the Antlers</a> is not really the usual loving and teen-like admiration we all experience in our lives. No, this shit was obsessive. Obsessive as in the album was the only thing I listened to for over a month.<br />
<br />
So I tried to take this mentality and evaluate many of the other things I spend my time doing. Like the 10 hours I spent putting together my pokemon competitive team. Or maybe the 200+ hours I have on my Animal Crossing New Leaf Game. Or maybe the fact that I have managed to read at least half of the fanfictions for the pokemon main game series out there.<br />
<br />
So maybe I'm just an obsessive person, but I know I'm not the only one.<br />
<br />
At least, as much as I wish I could be, I'm not <a href="https://thenypost.files.wordpress.com/2014/08/152095-10.jpg">this guy</a>. Or maybe even <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y4GGFhfcXks">this dear brave soul</a>.<br />
<br />
But the more I look, my obsession doesn't seem all that off. Maybe I'm not the only one who possesses this personality characteristic, to obsess. I've got a super cute friend who had her long obsession with the book series Persepolis (which is a fantastic book series so it's totally justified ;) ). I've got another bro who I know has this affinity for all things French, slap an Eiffel Tower on something and she will be all over that. And my own young sister somehow manages to spend all her time on pinterest and has over 2000 followers I don't understand this at all still what the hell Lily.<br />
<br />
So maybe, all in all, these things should really be relabeled. Our compulsory attraction and affinity to a given concept, entity, or being should not be ridiculed, but held in esteem. These are not our obsessions, these are our passions.<br />
<br />
Yeah, that's your passion. This is your passion.<br />
<br />
Now what you need to do is grab it by the reins and go, run as fast as you can. Chase it and, if you're willing, make it yours.<br />
<br />
This is what most people label as the epitome of employment, to make money off of your passion, and you can do it!<br /><br /><br />But what if you haven't found your passion yet? Or maybe you realize it's not really gonna be the best way to make money?<br />
<br />
Don't worry my friend, just keep at it. Things will come with time. Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04365277366583866397noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2947209228501889513.post-90383897414357036412015-02-02T18:35:00.001-08:002015-02-02T18:35:13.688-08:00Childhood Regressions and ContemplationsDear Younger Self,<br />
<br />
I have this picture of us on my bookshelf by my bed. I look at it every so often and I think about how cute I was (how cute I am) and how much I've changed since that photo was taken.<br />
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Other than the obvious- I've grown a TON (yet somehow kept the bangs at the end of the day) and I've grown emotionally a little bit more than most people my age; but it's not really anything to brag about.<br />
<br />
What if I were to tell you now about my current problems and struggles? You wouldn't understand and it would be so foreign to you, I know.<br />
<br />
I hope that that's true for others my age as well, that the issues they face now would be incomprehensible to their younger selves.<br />
<br />
I don't really have any "<a href="http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/11/14/advice-to-younger-self_n_4261008.html">30 things to tell you</a>" or anything like that, sadly, but I might be able to scrounge up a few things.<br />
<br />
I still have our favorite stuffed animal, hamster, although he's far more worn and dirty than where he is right now with you. "Well loved," mom will tell you. "Messy," You will tell yourself. After reading <u>Velveteen Rabbit</u> you will agree with her.<br />
<br />
Today I was reminded of you again when I went outside to shovel and ended up playing in the snow and dang was it fun. I remembered how much we like the snow and how much I've learned to dislike it because driving is scary.<br />
<br />
There's something I can tell you.<br />
<br />DRIVING IS SCARY. BE CAREFUL AND PRACTICE MORE.<br />
<br />
I guess all I really have to say is that even though we've changed, I still have fun looking back on all the things that have stayed the same even though I tend to just do them for nostalgia alone and I don't think there's anything wrong with that.<br />
<br />
-Present and soon to be past AnnabelleAnonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04365277366583866397noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2947209228501889513.post-57061172937939473652015-02-02T16:26:00.000-08:002015-02-02T16:26:06.368-08:00In six days every single living cell in the world will die...<div style="text-align: center;">
... you have one chance.</div>
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This is how the flash game <a href="http://www.newgrounds.com/portal/view/555181">One Chance</a> greets you. You play as a scientist named John who is faced with a lot of choices and you have to make them for him. This game stands out among the rest because you really only have one chance to make things right as the game stores cookies and will only let you play it once. The choices you make are permanent and there's no do-overs.<br /></div>
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Before I go off on a rant about this game I'll let you play it for yourself. Take your time with it and choose wisely.</div>
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THIS IS THE BOUNDARY OF SPOILERS</div>
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So, my friend, what happened to you? </div>
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Did you save the earth or didn't you? Do you regret what you did? I hope not.</div>
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Using a little trick I like to call "clearing cookies" I have played the game multiple times, but nothing quite feels the same as the first time I played it and I wish I hadn't played the game over again. It kinda ruins things.</div>
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When I first played the game I went to work without fail on all of the days until my wife died. Until my wife killed herself. It was a wake-up call for my little digital self to put emphasis on what I should value most in the game; family. </div>
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On the second to last day I spent my daughter's few hours with her in the park.</div>
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On the last day I died alone in the park.</div>
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It was humbling,</div>
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and at first I regretted my choices, but in retrospect I don't regret anything other than I wish I had not died alone.</div>
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<br /><br />But what is the point of this game? It is to make me feel hecka sad because it totally accomplished that.</div>
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Personally, what I got out of the game is that you can't regret your choices in life because no matter what you do things that you aren't happy about are going to happen. </div>
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In the "good" ending where you save yourself and your daughter your wife still dies and the only way to achieve this is to go to work every single day without fail. Doesn't something about that seem kinda wrong? I could have consoled my wife and she wouldn't have died alone, angry, and feeling unloved. </div>
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Would I have felt more fulfilled if I had achieved the good ending?<br /><br />Maybe life is less about the ending and more about what happens during it. So what if I didn't make it into varsity show choir my junior year; I had a fantastic past two years anyways.</div>
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So what if I didn't achieve the goals I first made; I'm happier now that I've changed them.</div>
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You've gotta be flexible and you've gotta be willing to roll with the punches and regret nothing. Just because you don't get the best ending doesn't mean that your life wasn't worthwhile.</div>
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No matter what ending you get in the game, the choices you made result in rewarding outcomes in accordance with your values. Those who choose to stay home with their family can hold onto the fact that they spent that time with them. Those who valued work can be rewarded that they found the cure. Those who spent their last moments with their daughter can be proud that, despite the hardships, they made up for their regretful choices.</div>
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There is give and take no matter the outcome.</div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04365277366583866397noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2947209228501889513.post-4326538257699982652015-01-26T19:57:00.001-08:002015-01-26T19:57:18.629-08:00Hospice by The Antlers part 2<div>
I don't like being poetic, but I can't help but feel that way about this subject.</div>
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It's weird how things tend to take a grand emotional toll on you even though you have nothing to do with it. Watching sad movies or reading sad books, all in all we are very emotional people. When forming a connection with a story that is not your own, it often is a slippery slope that we lead.<div>
<br />Often these outlets are fantastic at times, we feel happy for our favorite characters when they are happy, and we can share these feelings with others too- those who also feel this way about these characters; and so we find fandoms. Groups of people coming together just to discuss these fictional or real people that we hold so dear to us.</div>
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<div>
Yet, despite my dear attachment to this album and the emotions and characters portrayed within it- I just can't bring myself to write any more about it.</div>
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I don't know if it's a lack of enthusiasm, or the sheer quantity of negative emotions that this album digs up for me. It's so depressing; yet I can't help but explore and wallow in the negativity that it portrayed. I am infatuated by the ideals, emotions, and concepts presented in these simple eleven songs.</div>
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<br />Eleven songs that ruined my life.</div>
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I'm not going to lie when I say that my first wave of obsession with this dismal album caused me to relapse into a horrible depression as I became so entranced with the notes and theories I held in my shaking hands.</div>
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It's a slippery slope; obsession and understanding.</div>
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I don't know why this particular object entranced me so much. It could have been anything else- a band, or a movie, or a tv show, or a comic book series, but instead it was this. Almost as if it is my soulmate. And what a horrible and cruel irony it is to have this album as my soulmate.</div>
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I understand that the feelings that I find within these songs are probably unique to me alone, but I still wish that I could portray my emotions on this album justly. </div>
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Perhaps, do you feel the same way about something?<br /><br /><br /><br /><br />That one thing that no matter what- you can't get anyone else to understand just how much it <i>means</i> to you. The impact it has on your life to the point where it obsessed your waking and sleeping moments.<br /><br /><br /><br />Is it a person?<br /><br /><br /><br /><br />A place?</div>
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Or maybe it's just a concept that you've yet to put to words and hope that you never will- because you know that it's impossible.</div>
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Either way- tell me about it. Whisper it to the winds and let everyone know what it is that you connect to. It will change as you age- I promise, but it will always be just as special as the moment you first found it.</div>
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This, my friends, is love.</div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04365277366583866397noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2947209228501889513.post-60292721060758055892015-01-21T05:45:00.001-08:002015-01-26T15:44:11.737-08:00Hospice by The Antlers<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://ecx.images-amazon.com/images/I/7138uUNwrYL._SL1500_.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://ecx.images-amazon.com/images/I/7138uUNwrYL._SL1500_.jpg" height="287" width="320" /></a></div>
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Let's talk about <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xSi_FE52TAY">Hospice by The Antlers</a></div>
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If you're a music fanatic you'll know that there exist albums in this wide wide world that cannot be listened to</div>
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A) out of order</div>
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B) in bits and pieces</div>
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C) without giving it your full and undying attention</div>
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This, my friends, is one of those albums. I would suggest treating it as one really long song, and make sure you <a href="http://antlersmusic.com/lyrics/hospice/">read the lyrics as you go</a> because it will help you understand why this album is a fantastic work of art. </div>
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Starting from the beginning, this album is a story. It's about three people. The wife, Sylvia, who has and has had bone cancer. The husband, I call him Peter sense the write of the album is Peter Silberman and this album is a commentary on his life in an emotionally abusive relationship. The nurse, the doctor, his role is really unclear but we do know that he and Peter know eachother and he works for the hospital. In my opinion, the nurse is also a metaphorical version of the husband, but perhaps really still the same person.<br />
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The album begins with an instrumental piece titled "Prologue". It's a mix of ambient tones and what seems to be the sound of a ventilator. In my mind this song is the last days of Sylvia's life, as she is put on life support and Peter and the nurse recollect the events that have occurred in the past. To be honest, this is a bone-chilling start to the album, setting the morbid and demure tone. I often find myself drifting to sleep to this song as its ebbs and flows rock the mind into a lull. It's hair-raising but calming at the same time. Like the moment right after a tragedy where you think "This is all just a dream" but you're terrified and can't feel anything.<br />
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Kettering is placed in the perspective of the nurse character. I believe this where our story begins with Sylvia being angry- as she so often is- and blaming it on the nurse. He owes her a great, unpayable debt and that debt is her life. That he is the figure she views as medicine that has failed her, her body that has failed her. She is broken and angry and the nurse finds this shocking; as most would expect hospice patients to be calm or sad. And in this anger the nurse makes it his priority to help her and save her- but as so many things are, these efforts are futile.<br />
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Oh, Sylvia. This song reiterates the emotional trauma that Sylvia put the nurse through. She was angry and mad but he didn't give up because he wanted to save her. He's scared of her and scared of what will happen to her, but mostly scared of what will happen when she gives up. Just reading the lyrics, wow, it's scary.<br />
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Atrophy speak of the relationship between Sylvia and Peter, husband and wife. It speaks of all the things Sylvia tells Peter to do, and he does them without question because he has no other choice. She gets mad at him, but he always comes back to her because no one else will. They're both so so alone and they're both falling apart and its eachother's fault, but they only have eachother.<br />
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Fuck Bear, fuck fuck fuck fuck this song so much ugh it breaks my heart. This song is a horrible irony of a lullaby. It takes place in a flashback, Peter recollecting the past. When they first became married and Sylvia was pregnant. They both don't mind having a kid, but they know that if they would it would tear them apart- the two of them. So together the decide to get an abortion, turning a blind eye to the real problems, and when Sylvia returns from the hospital after the abortion, she is never the same. They are never the same.<br />
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Thirteen takes us back to the present with Sylvia. Her thoughts and her words. She wants Peter to save her but she can't save herself. She wants him to dig her out of the hole she's in but ends up burring them both into this hole in the process. The chimes and the ambient music is haunting; almost as if we are never meant to hear what she tells us. It is lost in the space among the white noise.<br />
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<br />
Okay so I'm gonna have to finish this in another blog post because I need to take a break from writing this but I also need to submit this post. It's like digging into a can of worms; talking about this album. It's so emotional.<br />
</div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04365277366583866397noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2947209228501889513.post-19813678393019734842015-01-19T18:41:00.001-08:002015-01-19T18:41:23.651-08:00LET'S GET FUCKING PUMPEDOMG YEAH LET'S GET PUMPED. EVERYTHING IS FANTASTIC AND I AM ON TOP OF THE WORLD. THIS EUPHORIA, THIS JOY, IT CAN ONLY BE CAUSED BY ONE THING.<br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">REALLY FANTASTIC MUSIC</span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"><br /></span>
Personally, I'm not really the kind of person who listens to just upbeat music. Everyone's got at least a few ballads in their list of favorite songs, I just happen to have most of mine be ballads. It's the soft folk music, the sweet serenades that really touch my heart. But at the end of the day, they don't really do a whole lot to get me pumped up. (Bro I could rave to <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y0s7ycdUcHk">Colorblind by Counting Crows</a>) So that's when I have to expand my musical horizons. That's when I turn to the <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OPf0YbXqDm0">Uptown Funks</a>, the <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Pgv6dKV03dA">Grown Oceans</a>, the FUCKING BRIDGE AT 0:46 OF <a href="http://youtu.be/9pkD2czKTjE?list=PLd6bpq7RWQ5ztcQIXxAxsSxbkJ2JTehW8">THIS SONG</a> UGH BE STILL MY HEART<br />
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But what is it about music that just gets to people like that? Gets them up and moving and totally pumped.<br />
<br />
I mean, the <a href="https://blog.bufferapp.com/music-and-the-brain">science behind this stuff</a> is pretty great. And we can't forget <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DAcjV60RnRw">the fantastic video vsauce did on music and it's nature</a>.<br /><br />But just take a minute to marvel with me on the little things, the little feelings that music instills in us that we don't even know.<br />
<br />
When we drive in the car on our way to work or school and a fantastic heart-pounding song comes on and it brightens up the rest of our day.<br />
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When we play a new game and get to the final battle and just have to stop for a minute to appreciate the music and how fantastic it is.<br />
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At a choir concert when the singers hit that one chord, that one note that just makes you inhale and think "Damn this is what music should sound like"<br /><br />When at the very same choir concert the choir sings something so moving it brings you to tears.<br />
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While making breakfast when you start to hum and don't even know it, but you realize that it's a tune from one of your favorite songs as a child; some one-hit wonder song that you can hardly remember anything about but somehow still new.<br />
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That one time a friend starting playing a song that you hadn't heard in years and you realize that you still know all of the words.<br />
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Music is fantastic and it's always the little things with it.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04365277366583866397noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2947209228501889513.post-284020607994566642015-01-18T11:01:00.000-08:002015-01-18T11:01:44.933-08:00is there a Dog?Wow gosh, I really really hope that I can make the most of today. I hope tomorrow will be fun despite my non-fun obligations. I hope that I can do well on my APbio test this week. I hope I can do well at school this year. I hope I can make something out of my life. <i>I hope</i>.<br />
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<a href="http://aejt.com.au/__data/assets/pdf_file/0008/225386/Stork_Hope_GH.pdf">By nature- people are hopeful</a>. We hope for the present, the future, and even for the past. There is no denying this. I'm sure that you too can come up with a list of a few things you really really hope for. But is just saying these things out loud really satisfying enough? Well, at least for me, not really.<br />
<br />I guess the level of satisfaction with confirming your own <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sentimentality">hopes depends on the person</a>, but most people choose to leave these sorts of things to a higher being through prayer. They seek comfort and answers through this higher being, as again, it is human nature to seek comfort and answers. And there in lies religion. At its purest form, that's really what it is; comfort and answers. Are they the right answers or right comfort? Well, that doesn't really matter; because as long as you're not harming anyone with your beliefs, if they make you happy, then they're good beliefs!<br />
<br />
But if only it were that simple. For faith to really work for someone, they have to really believe in it. Which is why simplifying faith into a mean to find answers and comfort is offensive to most people of faith. To people devout to faith, these things are not just their way of securing their feelings, these things are <i>real. </i>Which this strong belief make actually drive home the theories that <a href="http://www.ted.com/conversations/15885/is_prayer_a_form_of_placebo_or.html">prayer is all a placebo</a>.<br />
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Even if prayer is a placebo and made up by humans, what's all that bad about it? The argument might be made that it <a href="http://www.salon.com/2014/06/14/13_ways_neil_degrasse_tysons_cosmos_sent_the_religious_right_off_the_deep_end_partner/">deters scientific thought</a>. Yet, what if someone isn't all for scientific thought. You never see anyone looking at someone choosing to read a book at say, "Gosh, books deter athletic behaviors." Athleticism isn't for everyone, and scientific thought isn't for everyone either. I say let each person choose their god. If they prefer to pray to the sky and the ocean, if they prefer to find comfort in the Bible or through Allah, or if they can see understanding through scientific concepts, so what? I say- as long as a man harms none others with their beliefs and their beliefs make them happy <b>then so be it</b>.<br />
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Religion is not evil, and atheism is not evil, at their root they are both good things that serve to make the faithful or non-faithful feel justified and content. It is when we attack others for their beliefs that we find evil.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04365277366583866397noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2947209228501889513.post-6885137933924687492015-01-12T17:26:00.001-08:002015-01-12T17:26:37.830-08:00Substance Abuse: InternetTo overly use a substance- I'm sure we all do it. <div>
I abuse my fluffy cream sweater; I wear it every single night when I get home from school. </div>
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My little sister abuses her music; every spare minute it seems she's listening to spotify (which I totally get).</div>
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My mom abuses her family calender system; no family needs to be as organized as we are.</div>
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But what crosses that line from using something a lot to it becoming an abuse?<br /><br />Substance abuse is usually limited to <a href="http://www.drugabuse.gov/publications/media-guide/science-drug-abuse-addiction-basics">drugs</a>- legal or illegal. But what if our abuse stems on something so common we don't even notice it?<br />We all know the horror stories of the war veteran who turns to alcohol to take the edge off of the PTSD, or the woman who has to sell herself to feed her horrible drug addictions. All we ever hear of is these horrors- people who run away from them problem through drugs or alcohol. It's terrifying, no one wants to be in that situation, but the people who are in that situation are not treated with the respect of people (but that's another topic for another day). </div>
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Yet I'm going to throw something out there- something that really contradicts what we define a substance abuse.</div>
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Okay, are you ready for this?<br /><br />In my opinion, <b>the constant and detrimental use of a substance in order to avoid reality is a substance abuse.</b></div>
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So you who goes for a run every day to de-stress from life; you're totally fine because it's not detrimental.</div>
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However, you who goes on tumblr just about every free second, evaluate yourself. Why do you go on tumblr and under what circumstances? Do you go on it once your homework is done- or do you tell yourself "Five more minutes and I'll get back to work," and the time stretches on way past those five minutes. If you can relate to the latter, you might be in the same boat I am in.</div>
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I'd use things like tumblr and youtube to take my mind off of the work I had to do, the obligations I had, to the point where I specifically only used them for this purpose. This result snuck up on me without me noticing, but dang is it a problem!<br /><br />I know I can't be the only person my age who does this. With video games, or snapchat, or twitter, or instagram, or things more studious like reading all the time to ignore work, I know I'm not the only one.</div>
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So what can we do? Well I'm gonna tell you my plan.</div>
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I am deleting my apps, as many as possible, and I hope that keeps me off my phone and less reliant on it too. If it's more effort to get to the app than it is to just bunker down and do my work- I'm gonna do my work.</div>
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<br />And I sure hope I do. </div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04365277366583866397noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2947209228501889513.post-88147659839667319992015-01-06T07:49:00.001-08:002015-01-13T05:25:34.967-08:00Homeless or Houseless?Life is weird- I think we all pretty much know that. <a href="http://www.goodreads.com/quotes/tag/want">Even when we have what we "need" we don't have what we "want"</a>. We are reminded of that so often- the difference between need and what. We need food, shelter, and water. We want love, companionship, and material goods. But what if it's really the other way around?<br />
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Last year in my Theology class we watched <a href="http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1252298/">The Human Experience</a>. Of course watching it in a class about Jesus everything had to be related back to Jesus, but I still got something rad out of it. I got the knowledge that sometimes the value of human relations outweighs the value of necessities.<br />
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I often daydream about doing wild things like running away, eating nothing but top ramen and drinking cheap wine until I run out of money. I know it's not practical for me now or even in the long run, but wouldn't I be so much freer, so much happier than I am now?<br />
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Maybe I, just like every other person my age and not my age, am just getting a bad case of seasonal depression and I'm starting to think irrationally- but what the hell! I love irrational thinking!<br />
It's so human and it's so flawed, and sometimes these imaginative thoughts are the ones that really lead to innovation.<br />
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So what the heck? Why shouldn't I just take caution to the wind and let my life be run by something bigger than me? Obviously now is not the best time- but it might be a really great experience for even a short time.<br />
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Do you wanna try it too? Bro, we should both do it. ;)<br />
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So now I present.<br />
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STEP 1) Pick a time<br />
Personally I would suggest taking a few days, few weeks, few months, or few years off of your regular life. The best time to do this would probably be in a transitional time in your life. High school to college, college to the "real life", between jobs, just take your pick and go with it! Make sure you have someone to watch your house or apartment while you're gone, and if you're going to be really homeless and sell your apartment or house before doing this, make sure you've got enough money to get another one (and a job) or something once you're done with your experience. Also, make sure you've got someone who knows what you're doing and will have your back if it fails catastrophically.<br />
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STEP 2) Supplies<br />
My recommendation is to have priority in what you take with you. Value things like hygiene, food, extra clothes, and don't carry too much money with you at any given time because you're probably going to get mugged. Depending if you're going to be taking shelter in an urban or a rural location; you're going to need varying supplies. A sleeping bag is always a must- but make sure you've got something sturdy to carry your things with you. Good shoes and socks are always needed- and dress in layers. It might not be a horrible idea to bring some sort of easily-concealable weapon to defend yourself with- although I'm not sure how legal some of these things are. Well- no one got anywhere exciting by following all the rules.<br />
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STEP 3) Departure<br />
When leaving, make sure you'e got everything ready and you're feeling comfortable. If you're not- that's okay too- it's part of the experience. I can't really tell you much of what the experience will be like because I've got no fucking clue. With luck, I too will be able to do this someday- and I hope we can share war stories.<br />
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Be safe.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04365277366583866397noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2947209228501889513.post-67042494435907447272014-12-22T17:20:00.002-08:002014-12-22T17:22:54.314-08:00The Good, the Bad, and the Neurotypical "Ignorance is bliss" wow I have never felt a adage more than I feel this one.<br />
That which is not known is not worried about<br />
What you don't know won't kill you<br />
If you can't see it, it's not a problem.<br />
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All of these, they mean the same thing and this thing is probably one of the most important concepts to understand and learn in adolescence. We all had those moments in kids where we heard something that scared the shit out of us and we worried about it for days, weeks, in my case it was months.<br />
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When I was in second grade my older sister told me about Global Warming and how we're all going to die because of it, and my life took a downward spiral as a child. I couldn't sleep for probably 2 months after she told me that, just worrying. The majority of my thoughts were devoted to "Holy shit I'm going to die" and with this I had the first existential crisis of my life. I worried about death and the fact that I wasn't always going to be alive and my loved ones weren't always going to be alive either. It's a lot for an 8 year old to take on her shoulders, but I'm kinda glad that it happened early to me.<br />
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I by no means came to terms with death after that event (that wouldn't come until about a year ago, to be honest) but it really opened my eyes and ruined my mind.<br />
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I honestly believe that those defining and eye-opening moments when I was around 8 or 9 were the start of the slippery slope from the neurotically to the mentally unhealthy.<br />
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If you've ever taken a <a href="http://www.depression.org.nz/depression/self+test">depression self-test</a> you'll know that several of the questions deal with existential topics such as "Do you feel your life is worthless?" or "Do you believe life is meaningless?"<br />
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These questions, usually phrased a bit less accusatory and moody, are some of the focal points of existential crisis. If asking questions like that are a part of diagnosing depression and other mental illnesses, there must be a correlation from existential thought to mental disorders.<br />
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In fact, some of the most inspirational and oddly existential people in the world suffered from depression and fell victim to it as well.<br />
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David Foster Wallace who wrote <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8CrOL-ydFMI">"This is Water"</a> committed suicide after suffering from depression for years only a few years after he delivered this speech.<br />
Robin Williams, one of the most famous suffers and victims of depression, played several amazing and inspirational roles. (Dead Poet's Society changed my life)<br />
Ernest Hemingway, famous and enlightening American author also took his own life.<br />
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So what does all of this mean? Is it just a part of the disease of depression to result in existential thought, or do the thoughts themselves lead the person to depression? Which came first, the chicken or the egg.<br />
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And how much knowing really hurt us in the end? Is it sometimes better to not know at all?<br />
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Perhaps it's better not to find out....<br />
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"<span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;">But I was blessed with bad eyes</span></div>
<span style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px; text-align: center;"> There's a lot that I miss but I don't mind, I'm not that old</span><br style="border: 0px none; font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: center;" /><span style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px; text-align: center;"> I'll find out what broke me soon enough"</span></span><div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, Arial;"><span style="font-size: 13px;">-Radical Face: Glory</span></span></div>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04365277366583866397noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2947209228501889513.post-60542142210333675922014-12-22T16:57:00.001-08:002014-12-22T16:57:16.418-08:00How to Ruin your Life in 3 Easy Steps<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://www.gengame.net/wp-content/uploads/2014/05/MK8.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://www.gengame.net/wp-content/uploads/2014/05/MK8.jpg" height="180" width="320" /></a></div>
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If you've ever played mario kart with me, you're probably not my friend anymore.<br />
More times than not I ramble the excuse, "My parents never put me in competitive sports so I never learned how to take a defeat." But in reality, I am just a horribly, over competitive person.<br />
From having the best animal crossing town to always getting the highest grades (and not-so subtlety bragging about all of these things), I have to have the best and be the best.<br />
<span style="text-align: center;">So whenever I play</span><br />
<b style="text-align: center;">Mariokart</b><br />
<b style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-large;">Super Smash Bros</span></b><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjB-XnEKIRba_HepDJhwNyrqmuo1CAAFZk7oXgfdYwbn7Gi1pgUPUai3rgqHmFz2gIcoGJ3XSgDQ9rmnOCSiOGlXJNGDRwkgL3mfMKxsBbyG941y4Ho34k1d8hlvI7Mfzkwldr815983eNo/s1600/FUDGE.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjB-XnEKIRba_HepDJhwNyrqmuo1CAAFZk7oXgfdYwbn7Gi1pgUPUai3rgqHmFz2gIcoGJ3XSgDQ9rmnOCSiOGlXJNGDRwkgL3mfMKxsBbyG941y4Ho34k1d8hlvI7Mfzkwldr815983eNo/s1600/FUDGE.png" height="231" width="320" /></a></div>
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I get overly competitive, loud, and super duper angry. </div>
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But why? Why am I so competitive and loud and angry when I get passionate about stuff?</div>
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1) Natural Selection</div>
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So yeah, let's just blame everything on genetics and evolution, but really it's pretty relevant right now! It isn't called s<a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iKz01UB8QrY">urvival of the fittest</a> for nothing, only the fittest survive in the <u>competition</u> for resources. Yes, competition, it is ingrained into our souls. So there's no wonder that we're competitive people! It may not be life or death, but we gotta compete and we gotta want to win! </div>
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2) Social Norms</div>
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Okay what fun would mario kart be if everyone just sat there and kinda just played? Forming <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Human_bonding">social bonds</a> is formed by trust, and more times than not, mutual enjoyment of an activity. If you're gonna be friends with someone you want to enjoy what they enjoy too. If someone's having a blast (although getting mad a bit too) while getting stars left and right in mario party, you're gonna want to have fun and be engaged, or at least seem like you are having fun, too if you want to befriend this person! Monkey see monkey has to do if they want bros.</div>
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3) BRO ITS JUST HARD NOT TO BE COMPETITIVE</div>
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If you like something, you're going to want to be good at it. If feels good to win, and we crave that naturally. To be the best means to live, and to rub it in the faces of your friends. Even the most even tempered person has their field they just have to be the best, even if subconsciously. Don't be afraid to let this side out! It's hecka fun and gets the blood pumping.</div>
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Just remember, don't get too mad when you lose. </div>
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<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04365277366583866397noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2947209228501889513.post-88282296229079433592014-12-15T20:02:00.002-08:002014-12-15T20:02:42.534-08:00Blood is Thicker than Water?Blood is Thicker than Water, what the hell does that even mean?<br />Yeah, of course blood is thicker than water, you numbutt asswad, that's basic science stuff and I know that.<br />
But what does that even MEAN for real?<br />
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To be honest, I love the saying, but not the well known one, the lesser known actual version of this common adage.<br />
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"The Blood of the covenant is thicker than the Water of the womb"<br /><br />Yeah, now we're making some sense.<br />So what this is telling me that a bond of a promise is stronger than the bond between kin, yeah yeah I can see that.<br />
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But is is really true? I mean, I love my family and all but dayum, would I really value my "blood" brother over my BLOOD brother?<br /><br />I guess it really depends on the relationship you have with your family. Some people really love their family, but other people don't really all that much.<br />
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I mean, look at popular literature for some perfect examples of this stuff. Think of Hunger Games, think of Divergent, (think of all those FANTASTICALLY AWFUL <a href="http://tinylink.in/This-is-me">trash</a> fanfictions you spent this weekend reading) think of almost any sort of pressure-inducing scenario where we are stripped to our raw desires and thoughts, we must decide not out of practicality but out of what our whims tell us in these times.<br />
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In some cases, it's always family first, in other cases it's the promise you made.<br />
<br />This thought in and of itself is a <a href="http://listverse.com/2007/10/21/top-10-moral-dilemmas/">moral dilema,</a> or as I like to call them "One way trip to argument and uncomfortable conversations that are oddly fun."<br /><br />
Gun to my head, I would choose my family over a promise made in a heartbeat.<br />
But what if the promise is to my family? What if it's to another loved one who I may not be related to by blood? Is anything sure in this world?<br /><br />Will I continue to scream into the empty void as I realize that I need to freaking study better because I am making to progress in my life?<br /><br />What did I just type that, whoops that's embarrassing.<br />
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I can only hope that I will never come across a situation where I need to choose between a promise or family, but I know that if I do I would make the right choice.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04365277366583866397noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2947209228501889513.post-29534720091602175172014-12-09T05:43:00.001-08:002014-12-09T05:43:21.570-08:00Kill Fuck MarryIt's times like these that make me think about what the great American Author,<a href="http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/9/9b/Eastern_Bluebird-27527-2.jpg"> Lebron James</a>, always says.<br />
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"A path diverged in the yellow woods, and I chose to fuck it."</div>
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-Albert Einstein</div>
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I have the social habits of a 6th grader, my favorite pastimes with friends includes making really really bad dick jokes, talking trash about other people, and playing <a href="http://killfuckmarry.tumblr.com/">kill fuck marry; the epitome of immature games</a>. Kill Fuck Marry possesses the perfect cocktail of making your friends uncomfortable and being able to make some really great jokes.</div>
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<br />Let me just toss out some ideas to get the ball rolling.</div>
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Pillsbury Dough Boy, Mrs. Buttersworth, Mr.Clean</div>
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(aka- What's in my Pantry?)<br /></div>
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your past self, your current self, your future self</div>
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(aka- I'd fuck me)</div>
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Good Morning America Anchor George Stephanopoulos, Fox News Anchor Gregg Jarrett, CNN student news anchor Carl Azuz</div>
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(aka- big news)</div>
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Yet as funny as my inhibitions and desires are, wow am I pretty lofty with them. I know that I'll never be able to fuck Zac Effron, marry the foam shark used in filming the original Jaws, or kill the egg farmer from Napoleon Dynamite; and no amount of <a href="http://www.wikihow.com/Be-Ambitious">wiki-instructed ambition</a> is going to change this fact. </div>
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Yet we still have these unreachable dreams. Why?<br /><br />If we look at the dearest <a href="http://psychology.about.com/library/bl/bl-psychosexual-stages.htm">Freudian Stages of Development </a> and the theories it suggests, all adulthood issues tie into how our childhood was. What if our childhood guides how goal-orientated, lofty or not, we are in the future. If it's gonna happen that way, it's gonna be in the <a href="http://psychology.about.com/od/theoriesofpersonality/ss/psychosexualdev_5.htm">latent period</a>. In this time we develop our self-esteem and other super-ego based concepts are gonna be developing, and this goes aallllll the way down into our deep, dank, dark, dirty subconscious. </div>
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So say sweet dear little Rose was told in this phase that "You can't be the president you're a girl" or told "You can totally be the president!" How is Rose going to look at the life ahead of her?<br /><br />What about you, what were you told in your Latent phase? Did your parents support all you did and your ambitions, or did they <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=knro0i2JH44">yuck your yum</a>? </div>
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Wether or not you're willing to work for these dreams is another topic entirely, but I ask you, dear reader, is there anything wrong with being too ambitious? There's always the let down of when you realize these things might be unrealistic, but I think that the hope and the faith that these dreams instill in you each and ever day far outweighs the weight of disappointment. <a href="http://blogs.psychcentral.com/therapist-within/2010/07/finding-hope-the-instillation-of-hope-in-therapy-and-in-life/">To have hope alone is a powerful thing. </a></div>
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“He who robs us of our dreams robs us of our life.” </div>
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― Virginia Woolf, Orlando</div>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04365277366583866397noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2947209228501889513.post-24910617941412745122014-12-03T19:44:00.001-08:002014-12-03T19:47:13.100-08:00Morbid BeautyOh three-dimensional printing, how you are changing the world of <a href="http://3dprinting.com/what-is-3d-printing/">technology </a>and <a href="http://www.katv.com/story/23868654/arkansan-inventor-of-3d-printed-gun-causing-international-controversy">laws. </a><br />
Yet with all of your innovations I can't help but look at something like <a href="http://www.dezeen.com/2014/09/01/ted-lawson-self-portrait-robot-paint-blood/">modifying a printer to make a self-portrait with blood replacing ink</a> and have true second thoughts.<br />
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<a href="http://static.dezeen.com/uploads/2014/09/Drawing_Blood_by_Ted_Lawson_dezeen_468_15.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://static.dezeen.com/uploads/2014/09/Drawing_Blood_by_Ted_Lawson_dezeen_468_15.jpg" height="213" width="320" /></a></div>
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"Sick, dude"</div>
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Yet despite being slightly off put by this, almost appalled, I can't help but think how seriously cool it is too. How very punk rock of Ted Lawson to do this. It's one thing to paint a self portrait, but it's super fucking metal to do it with your own blood. Rock on, Ted Lawson.</div>
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Yet I can't help but feel uncomfortable with how much of his own <i>life</i> he's giving up to make this. It goes against the law of nature, yet that's almost what makes it so interesting. We live to preserve and expand our lives, and to freely give up what keeps you alive like this, it's very odd. It creates a contrast in the necessity of necessities themselves in today's modern life. (I find the same contrast in a different manner through those really cool gardens that <a href="https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/236x/12/dd/83/12dd83902f20e5160b12a67a628b37ec.jpg">uses skulls as planters</a>. Death is my aesthetic, bruh.) We live now not only to create and breath, but now we live to experience and transcend. </div>
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Wow this sounds like something else that I like to reference a lot, <a href="http://www.simplypsychology.org/maslow.html">MASLOW'S HIERARCHY OF NEEDS, BRO.</a></div>
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<a href="http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/6/60/Maslow's_Hierarchy_of_Needs.svg/2000px-Maslow's_Hierarchy_of_Needs.svg.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/6/60/Maslow's_Hierarchy_of_Needs.svg/2000px-Maslow's_Hierarchy_of_Needs.svg.png" height="240" width="320" /></a></div>
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"Aka: Eat, Sleep, Transcend, repeat."</div>
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I could go on and on about how much this stuff ties in perfectly with advanced society, but just look at it for yourself. Open your slimy eyeballs and rub them directly onto the computer screen. Yes, just like that. Perfect.</div>
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So it's very obvious that instinctually we value life as a more secure and sacred thing that death as it is our first instinctual thought; the base of our pyramid. But what happens when these things become a given? My theory is that we begin to value other concepts with equal prowess as we give to life. Take for example the <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sXOdn6vLCuU">modern love tale</a>. People tend to value love a lot these days, and boy does it show in our media and expectations of, well everything.</div>
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So what happens when all of the needs are met up to the point of self-actualization? Will nirvana replace the modern love story? Will we have a need for all of these things at all? With true transcendence (depending on who you ask) comes <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ego_death">a loss of the fear of death</a> and acceptance of what it holds. This concept, although scary, could potentially be held in high esteem if we keep advancing and setting the bar higher for what needs are fulfilled on Maslow's Hierarchy. Maybe one day, death will be just as beautiful as life. <br />
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<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04365277366583866397noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2947209228501889513.post-66140721941148065872014-11-27T14:45:00.000-08:002014-11-27T14:45:30.216-08:00Puer AeternusI had another epiphany today. It was a simple and humble epiphany in which I finally figured out how to <a href="http://oi57.tinypic.com/2s6pz81.jpg">curl my hair</a>. Most epiphanies I have are very provocative and motivating but usually end up taking me no where. Like revving up your car only to run into another brick wall and all of a sudden you need to get another shitty car to run into another wall. By now I'm very sure no insurance company is gonna give me coverage. But I don't need it.<br />
<br />The more I think about it the less I feel I need others to cover me when I'm down or to lift me up when I'm happy. I've drawn most of my energies from self-contemplation and meditation, which don't really involve others. Don't get me wrong, I'm no loner, I love spending time with others, but when it comes to spiritual fulfillment I feel the self is best.<br />
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Yet despite all of these ideas and revelations that I can find happiness in my own solitude, I feel as if my tires are still spinning and I'm getting no where. I don't <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u2cMjeSvZSs">work hard</a> like I should. I suffer from Puer Aeternus.<br />
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My 2 years of Latin have taught me a few things, and I can tell you <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Puer_aeternus">Puer Aeternus means eternal boy</a>. Think of Peter Pan, think of Tuck Everlasting, think of yourself.<br /><br />"As soon as I get out of high school, my life will start"<br /><br />"I can't wait to get into the real world"<br /><br />"Someday everything will fall into place"<br /><br />
If you're thinking these, you're thinking puer aeternus. The concept that life won't really begin, it hasn't really begun, is so dangerous. As high schoolers there might not be any greater plague than this because it creates a disconnect between our life and our dreams. Instead of "My good grades will get me into college" we should be thinking, "My life experiences are important". It's not about what we do today to make tomorrow better, it's about what we do now to make today better.<br />
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If everything we do and everything we think is a great fantasy of when we will become what we're meant to, we'll never become what we're meant to. We'll be stuck on Neverland our entire lives.<br />
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How can we escape?<br />
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Well, it depends. I plan to start doing more things for the now. Things that will not only help my future plans, but also improve myself today. I need to become the best I can and it can't wait until the day I graduate, the day I get a job, the day I get married. Today is the day I am the best I can be.<br />
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<a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lQnC-h36hM8">"Today we're younger than we ever gonna be"</a><br />
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<a href="http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0097165/">"Oh Captain, my Captain"</a><br />
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<a href="https://www.goodreads.com/work/quotes/1651617-the-art-of-happiness-a-handbook-for-living">“A disciplined mind leads to happiness, and an undisciplined mind leads to suffering.” </a><br />
<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04365277366583866397noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2947209228501889513.post-35765826731254376022014-11-03T18:20:00.003-08:002014-11-03T18:20:58.815-08:00An Analysis of the Flash Experience "I Think I'll Be Okay"<a href="http://philome.la/nxlled/i-think-ill-be-okay/play">I Think I'll be Okay</a> is a flash experience (I would use game but it's really not a game at all) that follows the author's expressions and emotions while dealing with depression, isolation, and a toxic familial setting. It plays in a similar fashion to a choose your own adventure type book and has more reader input than a simple novel or short story, yet it still follows a progression that cannot be changed.<br /><br />The author uses beautiful imagery and diction to create a somber and deeply provoking setting. I would not suggest playing this if you are going through some depression or even an existential crisis at the moment as, coming from experience, these kinds of things can really be quite the trigger into worsening things, so precede with caution.<div>
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However, if you find yourself to be a pretty emotionally stable person, it's not really gonna have it's full effect on you. The nature of this type of narrative is most effective in portraying emotion to those who have some sort of depressive history, as this will allow the reader to better understand and relate to the situation.</div>
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All warnings aside, the rest of this post will contain spoilers, so I would suggest playing the story before continuing.</div>
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<br />Coming from a very empathetic person, this story was very very touching for me. It really displays how a situation is all that you make it. The narrator is trapped in a hostile situation and feels constantly isolated, and the blur of time yet mild comprehension of a timeline is a fantastic measure of creating the feeling of being stuck to the reader. Yet despite this, the narrator finds a happiness in their life through the jars of rain. Although overall the entire piece is a somber story, the final part is a tad more uplifting, and I even cried a little while reading it. This ending created a feeling a hope near the end, and is inspiring towards those who might be going through a similar situation. </div>
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Although the story also partakes in the "my situation is tough but this person has it worse" guilt effect. Nothing feels worse than this guilt. Like, who the heck wants to think "Yeah I failed this test but this person fails every test". It brings up the topic of how belittling feelings is sometimes even worse than the feelings themselves. No one should ever have to be told "your feelings are irrelevant" as all we do as humans is seek relevance. The narrator in this story is struggling with this very same thing, relevance. They feel no companionship and it is isolating. There is no one to confirm that their feelings are justified, so they feel guilty for having them.<br /><br />Within this lack of justification, we can see why it is so helpful for people who are going through personal struggles to get help from a third party. They can tell them that it's okay to feel this way and help them move on, while without this the person's emotions will only fester. This third party can be many many things. It can be a friend, a therapist, a family member, or a god. In my opinion, this is one of the only useful things about theology in modern society, personal comfort and security. This security is how people are so fervent in their faith, and it is totally understandable. It's uncomfortable to face difficult life questions, and sometimes faith lets us slide by with answers that aren't fully supported by anything other than "you just gotta believe". Yet if faith is what makes you happy, then that's alright.</div>
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The narrator in the story uses faith as a comfort as well, as they pray to the rain. "Pray to the rain?" The Abrahamic religions say, "That's paganism." Yes, yes it is, but is that so bad? Who's to say that the idea that everything is god versus god is everything is not the more modern theological idea.</div>
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<br />However, this is a different discussion for a different day. </div>
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Maybe..... next time?</div>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04365277366583866397noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2947209228501889513.post-63351137571856171652014-11-02T18:18:00.000-08:002014-11-02T18:18:16.907-08:00A Dreamer and A Do-erI have found myself more times than not recently drifting into the realm of the unproductive sink. I spend most of my time either playing Pokemon Fire Red hacks or looking up info and dreaming about someday making and owning a <a href="http://www.tinyheirloom.com/">tiny house</a>.<br />
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and this is the room where I'll do all my procrastinating</div>
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With this lack of productivity, nothing could possibly make me feel worse than the beauty that is my Psych book that currently is preaching to me about productivity and how<a href="http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-procrastination-equation/201110/hard-work-beats-talent-only-if-talent-doesn-t-work-hard"> motivated people are the most successful people</a>.<br />
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So here I am moping about and wallowing in this fact, doing nothing productive but thinking<br />
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and dreaming<br />
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and doodling<br />
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and hoping.<br />
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Yet I realize that it is in these moments, the moments in which I am imagining and doodling that I am happiest. Oh how I wish and hope that one day I could have my tiny house and if it were possible for me to be a writer or an artist (but my calling is for science) and all of these things. That moment of pure bliss extends beyond for me that which I feel when I get a great grade on a test, and it is more provocative than the moments where I forget to do my damn psych sim for the 3rd time and I'm probably going to fail my psych class.<br />
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But what can come out of being a dreamer? Where can I find my motivations and ambitions?<br /><br />The answer is not so simple, in fact I really don't know it for sure yet.<br />
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My best guess is that I just have to keep dreaming and apply my dreams to become what might potentially be reality. So I dream of a tiny house, what do I need to achieve that? I want to build it myself so maybe a building class of some sort might be good. Yeah I'll do that.<br />
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But I can't make a life off of tiny house so what else? I want to go into science, it's my calling, so what field?<br /><br />It's this sort of self-inquiry that will bring the dreamers to be do-ers. We have to search ourselves and find what it takes to make our dreams come true, and then go after it. If the motivation does not exist for something even after all of this, maybe it's just not meant to be.<br />
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In short, we just gotta find our dreams, find what we need to achieve them, and <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RYlCVwxoL_g">do it. </a><br />
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<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04365277366583866397noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2947209228501889513.post-3685060968483985002014-10-28T05:45:00.001-07:002014-10-28T05:45:12.268-07:00I don't know where from my fascination for abandoned structures stems. I wonder and awe at the falling apart of old buildings and places no longer inhabited by humans. It seems to be such a oddity in the world we live in which we have taken and "own" almost all of the land in the world. Due to this we must set aside land <a href="http://www.nps.gov/index.htm">just to preserve that in which we have taken over</a>.<br />
<br />With this mentality there is no surprise that we'd feel no shame in just building and abandoning something useless to us as there is plenty more land to use elsewhere.<br />
<br />
This results in a surplus of abandoned and intriguing locations. <a href="http://abandonediowa.tumblr.com/">In Iowa</a> there are lots of abandoned <a href="http://abandonediowa.tumblr.com/post/96810020811/gardiner-consolidated-school-near-perry-bouton">consolidated school buildings</a>, which comes as no surprise due to the fact that, gosh we have so many freaking farms and <a href="http://www.city-data.com/city/Iowa3.html">areas of sparse population</a>.<br />
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If only it were legal to explore abandoned places, gosh dang it.<br /><br />But laws weren't made not to be broken, so let's do this.<br />
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There's an <a href="https://www.google.com/maps/place/2511+Grey+Wolf,+Hiawatha,+IA+52233/@42.0594067,-91.7089231,3a,68.7y,205.19h,87.63t/data=!3m4!1e1!3m2!1sxL_L4e3aZXTKNHtoFDzbUw!2e0!4m2!3m1!1s0x87e4fadda1558243:0xc77f17a9d94319fa">assumed abandoned location</a> right by my house and I totally want to explore it with all of my heart, and so I shall.<br />
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I'll get back to ya'll on this in a few days. Until then, stay hella.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04365277366583866397noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2947209228501889513.post-24505826197288203032014-10-27T17:38:00.002-07:002014-10-27T17:38:46.044-07:00Spooky Capitalism As the spookiest time of year draws nearer and nearer (no I'm not talking about finals) the effects of capitalism in the US are ever strong, as usual, with the massive quantities of Halloween themed goods.<br />
<br />
Much like myself, most of us are slaves to Capitalism and it's ever-inciting new goods, fancy cars, and electronics that conveniently break just about the time of the newest version's release.<br />
But despite the obvious flaws of the system, when most Americans hear "Capitalism" we think of freedom to choose and, by gosh, at least it's not Communism. Communism, the dreaded equal work and sharing of goods produced by the country, oh the horror.<br />
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Of course both systems have flaws, but we seem to have blinders on as a nation as to the obvious flaws of Capitalism.<br />
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Now tell me, doesn't this just sound wrong when I'd tell you that just a few weeks ago my neighbors rented a dumpster and took out Tupperwares full of old possessions and just threw them away, didn't even donate them to Goodwill or anything. Yet despite that, I still have the itching feeling that they're better than my family because they have more money. That, my friends, is Capitalism at work.<br />
<br />Yet it's not like we haven't been <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KCOd-qWZB_g">warned</a> before about the problems of this system we so highly revere. Everything in our lives centers around this accumulation of wealth, and that's the way it's always been and probably always will be in our country. Sadly, there isn't a whole lot we can do to change or reform it because the power of change and reform is, unlike what our founding fathers wanted, very much out of our hands.<br />
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Take for example the 2nd Amendment, the right to bear arms. This was enacted not as a "we want our guns" sort of thing, but more so to allow the people to be at the same level as the government, so if a revolution was needed, it could happen. If this were the case, the people should have access to military-level weaponry. Yet this isn't really a feasible option or solution. It just really goes to show how fundamentally broken our system is.<br />
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But alas, we must put up with it none the less.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04365277366583866397noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2947209228501889513.post-71598351391138329292014-10-27T16:29:00.001-07:002014-10-27T16:29:23.130-07:00Elimination Destination NationAh, the human reasoning power, what a marvelous thing it is. We have all been gifted with amazing mental power beyond what has been seen on earth (<a href="http://img3.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20130914143133/fallout/images/9/95/Alien_Dance.gif">or at least we think ;) </a>) before. With our amazing mental reasoning we can be faster than any cheetah, swim deeper than any <a href="http://www.aquaportail.com/pictures1307/blobfish-psychrolutes-marcidus.jpg">blobfish</a>, and possibly live longer than any tortoise.<br />
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But among all of the powers of the human mind, what of which is the crowned gem?<br />
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As per most things, the answer varies depending on who you're talking to, and there's nothing wrong with not having a definitive answer if it lets us explore more (versus amusing things just to have an answer).<br />
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So I'm going to make the assumption that in my point of view, the process of elimination is the most valuable reasoning tactic that humans have in our tool belts of intellectual thoughts.<br />
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The process of elimination probably became most relevant in our lives when we entered 3rd grade and were handed our very first, at least in the state of Iowa, notable standardized test. We were given the down low on how to succeed on these bubble sheets from hell, and the biggest thing was elimination. If you don't know the answer for sure, at least narrow down the answers and then guess. It was a great method and anyone who learned to use it correctly could easily hone their reasoning skills quickly and perform very well on standardized testing.<br />
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However, what about outside of the school area? What is the usefulness there?<br />
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One notable example of our amazing ability of the process of elimination is death.<br />
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By death I mean murder.<br />
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By murder I mean murder mystery.<br />
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I am very familiar with murder mystery, but not in a creepy way, I promise. From a young age I have been enveloped by shows like Dateline and CSI Miami as my mother is a huge mystery enthusiast (as a child she read every Nancy Drew mystery novel in the world, and all of them are in our basement).<br />
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It is amazing how these mysteries can be solved sometimes; it almost seems super-human in ability to solve these murders. Yet when we peel away the sensationalism, we can see that all of these murders or mysteries are solved via the process of elimination as well.<br />
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These detectives use clues to narrow down the options of suspects, they eliminate to one or two people and pursue them.<br />
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It's amazing because almost anyone could do this if they knew were to look, we all have this ability within us.<br />
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So the process of elimation, it's pretty cool.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04365277366583866397noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2947209228501889513.post-2831514033520324782014-10-21T18:51:00.002-07:002014-10-21T18:51:39.214-07:00Nomenclature of SocietyThere is a lot to be said about our given names. For something that we did not choose ourselves, it is rather astounding how we adopt this nomenclature as a representation of self.<br />
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Yet how we define our name and the names of others changes for each person.</div>
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As per the egocentrical manner of this blog, when evaluating my own name, Annabelle, we can observe the simple quantity of variety that a name can hold within the characteristics of the person who claims it.</div>
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The most famous examples of the name "Annabelle" range from the somber poem, "Annabelle Lee" by Edgar Allen Poe to the modern and rather creepy representation of the name through a possessed doll in movies such as "The Conjuring" and "Annabelle". </div>
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Yet I do not view myself as the kind of person who is somber, creepy, or even possessed (<a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wxBO6KX9qTA">or am I?</a>). If I had to, I would describe myself as a dreamer and very fickle. </div>
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The sheer inconsistency of the characteristics of names is best explained via a game.</div>
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Try playing <a href="http://www.20q.net/">the 20Q name game</a> with your own name or the name of someone you know well. Did you get their name? Probably not. In fact, chances are the algorithm-based genie was as far from the truth as possible. </div>
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But if names are so fickle, why not change the societal nomenclature to be more consistent and representative of the people who posses names.</div>
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We could create a system in which names are assigned to people by a common ruling of personality traits instead of the current system of whatever the parents want.<br />
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But the question arises, what age should we begin the assignment of names in order to get a good and accurate representation of the person? Perhaps the mark of the transition to adulthood, the start of puberty, would be the ideal time. Yet even with that we are all very familiar with the change that is subject between the start and end of puberty. So some might argue that physical maturity around age 20 would be ideal.<br />
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Maybe we need to simplify things a bit and take inspiration from an already existing and ingenious interpersonal nomenclature system, the <a href="http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/whats-in-name/201107/names-and-identity-the-native-american-naming-tradition">traditional Native American nomenclature.</a><br />
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Native American (being a very broad term) cultures had a dynamic not present in common day naming. All names were subject and almost expected to change as a person evolved and achieved different things. The name was almost a manner of storytelling, kind of like the summary in the inside cover of almost every work of literature. <br />
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If only names were as easy as to change to our own liking, hopes, and ambitions as they once were in pre-colonization America. We could really know more about the people around us and feel like our personal id tags mean a little bit more than just a word given to us as our name. Names would almost become a form of poetry.<br />
<br />Personally, I would take a bit more ambitious approach to my self-assigned name.<br />You can go ahead and start calling me "Tumblr Famous".</div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04365277366583866397noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2947209228501889513.post-82775766136277165752014-10-21T05:13:00.000-07:002014-10-21T05:13:00.009-07:00The world is subject to changeand in similar fashion, as is our personal interests and desires.<div>
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In short, I'm changing my blog from being about Pokemon to being about the human condition.</div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04365277366583866397noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2947209228501889513.post-65564926447212254512014-10-20T19:31:00.003-07:002014-10-20T19:31:50.157-07:00I HAVE ACCOMPLISHED EVERYTHING IN THE WORLD AND NOW I CAN DIE IN PEACELET ME JUST GUSH FOR A FEW YEARS HERE.<br />
<br />
THE CHANCES OF OBTAINING A SHINY POKEMON IN POKEMON X AND POKEMON Y VERSIONS ARE 1/4096<br /><br />ONE IN FOUR THOUSAND NINETY SIX<br />
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WITH THE MASUDA METHOD THE CHANCES ARE REDUCED TO 1/1024<br />
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ONE IN ONE THOUSAND TWENTY FOUR<br /><br />(For those of you who do not know what the Masuda Method is:<br />The Masuda Method is a breeding method introduced in generation IV where if two pokemon from different game origins breed their child has an increased chance of being shiny. The exact chances vary from generation to generation, become more common in newer generations.<br />
This is probably the best method for getting a specific pokemon in shiny hunting as pokeradar or chain fishing do not let you choose what pokemon you want to get as much.)<br /><br />AFTER THREE MONTHS OF TRYING TO GET MYSELF A SHINY ESPURR<br /><br />THIS WEEKEND<br /><br />OCTOBER 19TH, 10:34 PM, MY ROOM, I FINALLY OBTAINED HER.<br />
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MY VERY FIRST NON-EVENT HUNTED SHINY POKEMON AND I APTLY NAMED HER CUPCAKE.<br />
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<br />LET'S DO A SIDE-BY-SIDE COMPARISON OF MY BABY AND NORMAL ESPURR<br />
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OKAY YEAH WHATEVER<br />
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CUUUUUUUUUPPPPPPPPPPCCCCCCAAAAAAAAAAAAKKKKKKKKKEEEEEEE<br />
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YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YESAnonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04365277366583866397noreply@blogger.com0